Thanksgiving Tastes Best With A Side-Order Of Family

After Thursday and an excessive amount of consuming sleep-inducing turkey, marshmallow-encrusted sweet potatoes and all the stuffing I will be able to handle, I’m sure a couple of things will be brought into sharper focus.

First, I’ll need to go shopping because my pants are bound to be just a bit tighter than they used to be. Of course, I won’t be shopping at all on Black Friday because I don’t have a mental illness. It takes a special breed of people to do that, and I simply don’t have the urge in me.

Second, I have a lot to be thankful for, such as great family and friends.

Little can rival the pleasure I get from spending time with those most dear to me.

However, I also am very appreciative of people not dear to me because they undoubtedly cause me to laugh.

For example, every year the president pardons a turkey so the creature doesn’t have to become the centerpiece of a Thanksgiving meal.

I strongly disagree with this.

We all know that turkey probably committed some sort of crime, such as shooting his friend in the face while on a hunting expedition.

Because of this, the turkey should fulfill its life goal of getting fat to thicken up the waistlines of an American family.

Stupid traditions.

Thank goodness the main tradition my family involves everyone eating an exorbitant amount before gathering around and watching television and . . . well, that’s it.

I wish our family had a more substantial tradition.

Last year I tried to start a tradition of playing cards, but I wanted to gamble on the games, which oddly enough turned people away from playing.

We all learned last year that we couldn’t play “Go Fish” because my very blonde cousin said she doesn’t know how to play, which should still be very embarrassing for her.

Lack of traditions aside, generally the best part of Thanksgiving spent with my family is the conversation.

We are a group of talkers, and we’re all very good at it.

Politics are always fun to bring up, especially since the family tends to be a bit divided over certain subjects.

A good, lively debate can always make for a more exciting holiday gathering, unless cranberry sauce starts getting used as ammunition.

Besides having discussions, there are young children to entertain.

It is fun getting down on the floor and wrestling with them. The males, of course, are more physical in the faux fighting, but the girls get in on the act as well.

Outside of the family, though, my friends are also involved. I’m sure I will get together with a few of them over the holiday weekend, except for one.

No, I won’t be able to see her at all because she’s in Ecuador.

Her sister is there doing mission work, so my friend and her family decided to head south and spend Thanksgiving in South America.

I think that’s really cool, and I hope she brings me back some dirt from Ecuador as a souvenir.

Why dirt you ask?

I don’t know. That’s just the first thing that came to mind when I heard she was going to Ecuador. I thought, “I want some dirt from down there.”

Such a thought is really quite frightening because I’m not a “dirt” kind of guy.

Electronics and indoor habitats are more my speed.

Even so, it would be cool to have dirt from another country, especially since I don’t ever see myself going to Ecuador.

Personally, I would rather go to Europe than South America.

Which reminds me, Christmas is coming up.

I think maybe I’ll ask Santa Claus for tickets to London, which is where I really want to visit.

Better yet, maybe Santa could just drop me off on his way through sometime.

I’m going to write him a letter right now and ask.

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