Driving resembles only one thing to me anymore — a video game.
I feel as though I am caught in an eternal game of “Frogger” because there are small amphibians hopping all over the roads.
It hasn’t always been that way, though. In fact, I remember not long ago when I could drive down the highway and not squash dozens of the little jumpers. Of course, this change in frog fundamentals can only be attributed to the wet weather the area has been experiencing.
Besides having an adverse effect on the crop harvesting currently trying to take place, this wet weather has seemed to spawn more than just odd behavior in frogs.
About a week ago, I was sitting down to Sunday lunch when my roommate called. He had something very important to tell me.
Two birds had flown down the chimney of the fireplace in our apartment, and the two feathered friends were zooming around our home.
My roommate and I both thought it was kind of funny, and he took pictures with his the camera on his cell phone.
Having birds inside could be cool if they were song birds; however, these birds were not vocally blessed.
Instead, they had an amazing ability to defecate everywhere.
Our couch got nailed with a lot of white droppings. Also, the floor was good and coated with poop near our sliding glass door, which is where the apparently took roost for the longest amount of time.
Seeing the incredible amount crap we were going to have to clean up lessened the humor of the situation.
We go it all cleaned up, though. I went and complained to the apartment complex manager, and I was told maintenance was going to fix whatever glitch in the anti-bird system had failed at the top of the chimney.
I was happy with that answer, but then I asked if they were going to do anything to compensate for the fact we cleaned everything up.
I think they wanted to laugh at me.
They told me that unless we had renter’s insurance, no one would pay for the clean up except us. To me, though, I think it should have been the responsibility of the apartment complex management team because the stupid birds wouldn’t have made such a mess if their chimney guards hadn’t malfunctioned.
Besides, it wasn’t just our furniture that got pooped on. Their carpet also experienced a large amount of bird waste. Will they hold any stains or discolorations against us?
They shouldn’t because we got everything cleaned up, but who knows what will happen.
I figure I’ll be getting my revenge on the bird world soon enough anyway. After all, in a few days I will be joined millions of other Americans in celebrating the birth of our country by blowing up a small piece of it.
All those fireballs and explosions should scare the winged varmints quite nicely. I just hope they learn their lessons. I don’t want to ever deal with them flying around my home again.
Of course, if all the pyrotechnics truly do frighten the birds, I had better be very careful about where I park my car or stand.
I don’t want to give them another target. I’ve cleaned up enough bird doo-doo to last me a life time.
