Are Split Pants A Sign?

On Saturday I returned to my high school alma mater to help with the Future Business Leaders of America organization.

This year Canton-Galva High School was the host of the District V competition, which is a precursor to the state competition.

I, along with a former high school classmate, judged the client service event. That entailed asking questions of students as they attempted to explain to us how to properly handle a customer-service situation in which emotions were sure to run high.

We barely left our seats for nearly four hours as the event was jam-packed with students.

By they time we got free, it was time to eat.

I clearly shouldn’t have had that extra Sloppy Joe.

See, I was dumping my glass of water in the water fountain, and the drain couldn’t keep up with the water flow leaving some liquid to fall to the floor.

The custodian walked by at that time and saw the mess I had made. He told me to get it cleaned up, so I went and got something to wipe it up with.

As I bent over, a loud popping sound was heard throughout the hallway and in a few nearby classrooms.

The seam of my suit pants had ripped out, and it ripped out with a resounding snap of authority.

The hole that was left was large enough to get my face through, I found out later.

I asked my judging partner if you could see my underwear hanging out when I stood up.

Through her tears of laughter, I think she said no.

I then went and found the leader of the CGHS FBLA, my aunt Brenda Vogts, and told her I thought it best if I went home.

Again, there was laughter and some talk about then having me hand out awards. I said that would be fine before proceeding to the exit.

On my way out, some asked me if this meant I could now be called “Sponge Todd Torn Pants.”

Everyone has jokes. Great.

Clearly it is time for some dieting.

Maybe I’ll start making fruit salads for myself. Recently a kindly grocery store worker told me that doing so would help get rid of my belly, so why not give it a try?

For now, though, I need to find a good tailor.

Any suggestions?

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About toddvogts 773 Articles
My name is Todd Vogts. I am an assistant professor of media. I like the color green, riding my motorcycle, and being with my family and friends. A good book is a perfect companion for me any time, and I'm a published author and journalist. Visit my website at and follow me on Twitter at

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