Today is a horrible news day in Gobbler’s Knob, about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.
That little rodent Punxsutawney Phil, the esteemed groundhog from Punxsutawney, Pa., saw his shadow today at dawn during his annual forecast, so that means we will be getting six more weeks of winter.
I hate winter. I hate the cold. I hate snow. I would rather be sweating than have one single shiver go through my body. Summer is the best time of year, and now its arrival is going to be further delayed.
Stupid Punxsutawney Phil. Somebody should shoot that varmint.
Does that seem harsh? Well I’m sorry, but according to the Associated Press, “since 1887 Phil has predicted more winter weather by seeing his shadow nearly 100 times, but there are no records for nine years.”
That’s not cool. He needs to be replaced. In fact, since the article said “German tradition holds that if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Feb. 2 — the Christian holiday of Candlemas — winter will last another six weeks. If no shadow is seen, legend says spring will come early,” I will volunteer to come crawling out a hole. I have German heritage, and I will make sure I don’t see my shadow.