Thanksgiving tastes better with a side-order of dumb

After Thursday’s excessive amount of consuming sleep-inducing turkey, marshmallow-encrusted sweet potatoes and all the stuffing I could handle, I realized a couple of things.

First, I need to go shopping because my pants are just a bit tighter now than they used to be. Of course, I didn’t go shopping at all on Black Friday because I don’t have a mental illness. It takes a special breed of people to do that, and I simply don’t have the urge in me.

Second, I have a lot to be thankful for, such as great family and friends.

However, I also can be thankful for not being in jail.

The Associated Press reported earlier last week that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick turned himself in due to the pending federal dogfighting charges he faces.

What an idiot.

Besides the fact it took an incredible capacity for stupidity on his behalf to get into the dogfighting business since he is absolutely loaded and doesn’t need the money, he could have spent Thanksgiving on the outside if he had kept his mouth shut.

Instead of eating a very limited variety of Thanksgiving treats, he could have had the complete feats with all the trimmings. He also could have worn whatever he wanted, but now, while residing at the Northern Neck Regional Jail in Warsaw, Va., he reportedly gets to wear only a black-and-white stripped jumpsuit.

Good job, Mr. Vick. You make the athletic community proud.

You were getting paid to play a sport high school students across the country play for free, but now you are getting to know the inside of a jail cell.

Of course, Vick’s stupidity fondly reminds me of another less-than-intelligent event that took place recently.

Every year the president pardons a turkey so the creature doesn’t have to become the centerpiece of a Thanksgiving meal.

I strongly disagree with this.

We all know that turkey probably committed some sort of crime, such as shooting his friend in the face while on a hunting expedition.

Because of this, the turkey should fulfill its life goal of getting fat to thicken up the waistlines of an American family.

Stupid traditions.

Thank goodness the main tradition my family involves everyone gathering around and watching television while playing competitive cards games.

Of course, this tradition was just started this year because I don’t really feel my family had a tradition before I decided to bestow one upon my family members.

The only bad side about this new-found tradition is the amount of money that stands to be lost. Some of the people in my herd are a bit competitive, so a lively game of cards could easily result in a wrestling match to ultimately decide who wins the $2 prize of the game.

One card game we can’t play, though, is “Go Fish.” My cousin, who is a senior in high school, said she doesn’t know how to play. How embarrassing for her?

Stupidity seems to be prevalent for some during this time of year, even my family members, but I enjoy this time of year.

My enjoyment comes for the fact I can sit back and relish the in shear silliness of others in the world. I just keep knocking on wood that I won’t do something very dumb as well.

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About toddvogts 773 Articles
My name is Todd Vogts. I am an assistant professor of media. I like the color green, riding my motorcycle, and being with my family and friends. A good book is a perfect companion for me any time, and I'm a published author and journalist. Visit my website at and follow me on Twitter at